My Most Treasured Possession

I have a gorgeous turquoise ring my mother gave me. Her mother gave it to her. She used to wear it almost every Sunday. Every time I look at my right hand, I see her hand wearing the familiar ring. I remember sitting in church next to her on most Sundays, holding her always warm, soft hands. I would pet the back of her hand, marveling about how smooth her skin was. I liked the way I could push wrinkles across her hand and smooth them back out.

Now that my hands are nearly 40, and my skin is now smooth and getting thinner, my hands feel and look exactly like hers did back then. I often sit alone with my thoughts pushing wrinkles across the back of my hand, like I used to in church with mom. In a very real way I feel like I am right back there with her, leaning against her arm and holding her hand.

It is a gift that her ring and my own hands connect me to her so easily. Today I am aware, though, I need to do more than imagine holding her hand. Its coming on past the time for a sojourn to Texas so I can hold her hand, live and in person. Soon.

Keep Calm, Keep Working. It’s really pretty simple.

Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

An Autodidact’s Schedule

Good advice for my autodidact friends and help for me to get back on track…

Post written by Leo Babauta.

While I’m not as big on goals as I used to be, I do get excited about learning new things.

A single blog post I read about making bread is enough to set me off into hours of research about bread-making techniques, a week of experiments in baking and kneading, a couple weeks trying to make my own wild yeast starter, and some fun moments with my family eating some fresh-baked bread (is there a better smell in the world, btw?).

Learning is one of my favorite pasttimes. It can take up my entire day if I let it. And while I’m a big advocate of focusing on one thing at a time, after a few weeks or a month of focusing on one thing, I tend to move on to another — without necessarily abandoning the last thing I was learning. (Read More…)

Soul Searching: Are you shy or introverted?

I found this post to be very Insightful. I think I have always thought that shyness went hand-in-hand with introversion. This article helped me understand that I am not actually, “The most extroverted introvert.” I am simply an introvert who, as long as I have had enough alone time, loves people and has very little social anxiety.

I have often felt (and been) judged for this. Lots of folks can’t reconcile my public social demeanor with my very real need to spend copious amounts of time totally alone.

Maybe introversion and hilariousness is not a common pairing of traits. I think most people expect for us introverts to be shy and us “wise guys” to be extroverted.

What are you? Extroverted and Hilarious? Introverted and Shy? Or are you, Extroverted and Shy? Or. Introverted and hilarious?

into mind

“It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one’s self.” 

BEING SHY IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING INTROVERTED

In this post I want to talk about a psychological topic that is not very well understood by most people, namely the difference between shyness and introversion. Being an introvert myself, I know what it feels like when others misunderstand my behaviour as shy or aloof and I cringe when my introvert friends try to make themselves act more ‘extrovert’ in order to fit social norms. At the same time, people who are truly shy should know that, unlike introversion, shyness is not something they were born with and can definitely be ‘unlearned’.

SHYNESS

– Shy people suffer from a lack of confidence in social situations and a fear of what other people think of them.
– A certain level of shyness is natural (pretty much everyone feels…

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Joshua

I have a friend, let’s call him, “Joshua.” Joshua is a superhero. Everywhere Joshua goes, light and love go with him. Everyone loves Joshua. People jostle to be close to him, to receive a word from him and to basque in his Joshua-ness.

Joshua is used to this. He puts all his energy into helping others. He cultivates kindness, and endeavors to uplift everyone he meets. He tries, everyday, to give as much of himself as he can. Often, he feels he hasn’t given enough.

Joshua feels responsible.

After spending time with Joshua, some people begin to expect him to give them what they need. Without a firm foundation for themselves, they look to Joshua in hopes he will provide what they are missing. Gratitude for his attention sometimes turns into expectation. Expectation often results in disappointment or in perceived rejection.

Joshua has learned to protect himself, a little, from those who would look to him to fill holes in their hearts and the gaps in their lives. He has become aware that even the closest of friends, or lovers, can often slip into that space of needing him to complete their lives. This is the one thing Joshua fears most.

He knows that as soon as someone around him is no longer satisfied to simply receive what he naturally offers and begins to need him to fill a hole in their heart (when holes in our hearts can only truly be filled from within our own selves) they sometimes start acting in passively hostile ways.

This may come out out as disapproval and judgement of him, or it can manifest as jealousy or resentment. It doesn’t matter, the message he hears is that it is never enough to simply be Joshua, but that he must provide something, perform certain functions and perhaps deny his own needs in a relationship in order to stay in it.

Joshua can comfortably distance himself from most who seek to drain his light and take some for themselves, but when it’s someone he cares about, there is a part of Joshua that believes he is a failure. That he has has let them down. That he is not doing enough.

And he knows he is doing as much as he possibly can. Therefore, he is often left feeling that he is simply “not enough.”

The truth is, is he is more that enough! If he weren’t inherently so spectacular, people wouldn’t flock to him like they do.

The world needs Joshua, and people like him to fight our big battles, defend the defenseless and stand up for what’s right! But in return, he should be loved in the same way that he loves others –unconditionally, with no strings attached.

My wish for Joshua is this: Find the members of your tribe who require NOTHING of you. Spend time in places where there is no judgement, no expectations, no if/then statements for you. Find a place, and the people, who simply love your Joshua-ness. Make a conscious effort to allow the people around you to lift you up, without giving anything in return. I suspect the last part will be the trickiest.

Know this: you ARE enough! Look at all you are doing! Look at the lives you change every day. Keep doing what you’re doing. But keep your eyes open for those who can help take care of you, and here’s the key… You have to let them.

Happy 17th Birthday, Daughter!

Hannah,

I am so grateful you were born. Spending the last 17 years with you has felt like knowing a highly protected secret to happiness. Thanks for all the nice notes and spontaneous hugs. I am so excited to see what you do with your life! You have so much to offer, and there is so much out there to do, learn and see. No matter what you choose to do, though, I will always consider it my greatest privilege to be your mom.

I love you!

Mom.