A BLOG ABOUT LOVE

The following post comes from a very sweet blogger named Mara Kofoed. She and her husband, Danny, have documented their love story for the rest of us. I am posting this for my daughter and for all the other teenage girls out there. Their whole love story is inspiring, but the following insights she shares are of particular importance. I believe that if any person in any relationship (besides parent child) depends on the other for their happiness, it is not only unfair, but doomed from the beginning. This is post #2 in a series she calls, “The Most Important Things I’ve Ever Learned (About Love). Enjoy!

The Most Important Things I’ve Ever Learned (About Love) – #2

(Photos by the photographer, Rachel Thurston.)
Here are some more notes on what I’ve learned about love.  This stuff has changed my life (!) and if applied very literally, I am confident it can change yours, too.   

You ready for this?  It’s a lot to absorb.  But in the weeks following my first husband’s departure, it was this nitty gritty that caused strangers on the streets of New York to stop me and tell me that I was “glowing” and “radiant”.  (I wanted so badly to tell them the real reason why…)

  • To really show a healthy kind of love to your spouse, children, parents, family, coworkers, or friends, your emotional well-being cannot be dependent on them.  The source of your wholeness & your security as a person needs to be based on something else.  For me, the ups and downs of my well-being used to hinge on the love or affection from my husband, or my husband’s  (or my own) approval of my looks, or the status of my baby-making, or on the goal of one day having a successful business.  I know what it’s like to not have any of those things and to feel pretty miserable about it.  But now, I know better.  And so, instead of basing my deepest happiness & well-being on my husband or unborn children, I get my strength & healing from tapping into what I know to be the most powerful force of goodness & love & strength for all:  being at one with God.  That’s a pretty tall order.  But it’s available to me at ALL times, no matter what my circumstances are.  Until I was 30, I had no clue how to really do this.  It turns out that anything religious didn’t really mean a whole lot to me before then.  But in a desperate state, I decided to give it a go & see what would happen.  I tried to feel that oneness every single day, and that’s when the really, really deep & independent peace started.  And one of the best consequences of this?  Now having the sweetest marriage I could ever imagine.  🙂
  •   When your real, deep peace is not dependent on your husband or kids, you remove that pressure from them to constantly satisfy you.  Know any moms or dads that hang their own personal happiness & well being around their children’s necks and display deep inadequacy/disappointment/depression if their kids do not fulfill all their dreams of perfection?  Or, do you know any wives that are miserable because their husbands don’t “fulfill” them in all the ways that they want to be fulfilled?  I see it all the time.  No matter how it’s done, if someone is basing their own personal happiness on the behavior of another, no matter how much they think they love that person, they are actually not showing love at all.  Instead, they’re loading on an unhealthy amount of  pressure, which can be felt for a lifetime.  I know way too many adults that sadly STILL feel inadequate or unsure of themselves, due to the pressure of their mothers or fathers.
Loving this way, I am certain, is what we call “unconditional love.”  I know firsthand that there is NOTHING BETTER THAN THIS.  I learned how to love in this way and applied it to some of the most challenging experiences of my life.  I had never felt more powerful, happy, confident and well.  I am convinced it is the most important thing we could master in this life.  And learning to master this more & more everyday is truly the greatest endeavor of my life.
I would LOVE to hear what you all think about this….and I’d especially love to hear if anyone has seen these principles working in their lives or in their marriages.

-MK

P.S.  If you ever get the opportunity to attend a huge concert in the Great Lawn in Central Park, just do it.  We saw the Black Eyed Peas on Friday night and despite not even being fans of the group AND despite the rain, there was something just awesome about being in that park with 60,000 people.

via A BLOG ABOUT LOVE: The Most Important Things I’ve Ever Learned (About Love) – #2.

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1 Comment

Filed under Dreams, Moving On

One response to “A BLOG ABOUT LOVE

  1. HI! Thanks for the comment… i figure I am training about 13-15 hours a week. I have never spent so much time at the gym… don’t know how much I like that haha

    cheers

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